A Family Recovers Lost Time

Hard to invision what thee interior of a family is like… when you don’t live within their walls. The family dynamics are many times very far and distant in personalities, abilities and social skills.

As each steps out, and acquire life experiences, the change in perceptions, spiritually, in every facet of their life as time goes on expands beyond the dynamic of the once family unit.

God did not create us all alike,  nor did HE create us all to do the same thing, nor did he want all of us to act the same. God created us in His image and likeness in the uniqueness for our mission for him. We have a journey that he has chosen for each of us.  Each to accomplish for the greater good and Glory of him. The challenge here on Earth amongst all of us is that we realize all of life’s experiences affect who we are and how we react. The Beatitude do help! St.Fransic life, of making peace, every where, even in the difficulties.

Every family has emotional investments in one another even in family’s that seemly don’t get along.  The old saying, ” bloods thicker than water” rings true.

Love, loyalty, inherited connections exist,  good, bad or indifferent.   There is always a code of hush on personal family secrets.  Even if it caused life long discords and are concealed from the outside world there is always a leak into thee outside world. Thirst for gossip and defaming in this world is what I refer to as, ” salivating in the wait.”

It’s always amazes me the diverse perception of each family member and this is where resentment can come to settle in a family circle, or divided.  The expectations of one another, the comparing,  competition of wisdom.

Those who express themselves in gossip among the equally opinionated. Then there are usually those who see no concern of themselves or others.  Life is lived by each their own way.

So when you come across the family that you thought were great and you find their history is riddled with a painful past,… look back over the years, and know it must not have been easy.

We are a cause and reaction society, no matter your education, income and or title or how deep your faith.  You only can stuff negative experiences into a heart for just so long,  and then it begins to come back up in a negative behavior.

So acknowledge something… seen or unseen was the cause and effect. One doesn’t know everything!

If you pinch me, or you it hurts. Faith is important, but faith is not always present, even in the faithful. At times we let things bigger than life drive, and forget what we knew.   God can help all wounds.  God for gave the whore, and offered a stone to the one with no sins.

The story of the prodigal child returning after many sins, and offering him a new cloak the best of food and jewels.  God’s always waiting for us to come home, to seek forgiveness and begin a new life in HIM. How do you stay bitter?

My motto, get back in there, love has to always trump, and never forget that, ….and things…though hard at time, will prevail with good.

I believe God gives me strength, the ability to recognize my true choice’s and a conscience to choose HIS will.

There is the challenge, to fight for a family member that is lost, from GOD’S will, and healthy choice’s, or let them fall.

You can’t keep someone shelter, but you sure in heck can keep seeding the message, “You are loved”.  God does not exile anyone of us in our sin. The love message is always present. When we are ready, it will be heard.

So, as we have now turn the corner with our family, and we can be assured God does for give, and allow for healing, let yours begin.

If God did not offer forgiveness then I guess, your unforgiven stand would-be justified.

Trust,… know there is a real faulty human in all of us, and we fall, get up and try again.  When someone falls you love and love more, and when someone finally reaches for God, your reaching with them. Without God your a fool! The graces HE provides are essential. HE didn’t mess your world up, humans did with bad choices. We all have made those.

It takes all family members to heal the family and every piece relays the strength of every brick.

I know the hearts of everyone of my family members, their good and at times, just like me…. blind by old hurts and angers, and black and white. The world has many colors and families have many dynamics.

Forgive, and don’t re-act so fast to end your love. We all will need 70x 70 chances! (Bible)







Make Believe Love

When I write it is about not only my life experiences, but others I encounter its a validation of many things I have long thought but never spoke.  Love  in this culture is a fake, fraud and little to zero in substance.

So this my friends is a menagerie of people and yes diverse between young and old, male and female. Love touches all walks of life in many forms but the life long commit that started with Adam and Eve, is forgotten. Before we look at what loving was in those times, we look at what and where love is found today. If at all does 2018 love have the sustainable power to whether the storms?

Let’s take a couple’s today the basic majority 15-80 years old. They meet and are attracted to one another, and unfortunately the count is on, not the taking into account that should take place. Will they make it through a date without sleeping together?

Will they perhaps be more comfortable after a few dates, of course you want to be sure?

Sure of what? Do they even know how to be sure. Sure of respect, honor, loyality and a permanent commitment.  So do you know the chance of anything permanent that comes with a ring, an engagement then  to love, honor, cherish in sickness and health till death and that where that true love ends, the lost of a spouse in death.

So what has brought us here, blame it on the media? Did you instill, protect and stand by that TV and shut it off, pull the plug, parent control? The last 3 generations were raised by TV, and videos, it kept them quiet, out of trouble and you could do other things.

So this is the results of child rearing by media, games and social media.

How can I teach my adult children what Love is? Show them, stand by what you know is missing. Tell them, invite them to interact in a family baseball game, basketball, kickball, One to three Red Light, Hide and Seek, no board games, be out doors away from all technology.

You like boating, camping and hiking, buy cheap cameras for everyone and go out and take pictures.

Once a week for an outing two times a week for in your yard fun. Commit, stick to it and tell me at thee end of a year, things are not better. Church, a cheap breakfast with your family. My sister of six has done this for thirty six years, their close, first with their children, not her adult children and their children. Newport Creamery knows them by name.


Grow a garden, start a fun project the whole family can get in on.

Love doesn’t give up, it gets back in there and sustains the storms. You are worth every bit of commitment, and tolerances, and loyality, respect and a love that you know will last.

I am divorced, alone and going to remain that way until or if ever a man, mans up. I want his love, and care, respect and trust, loyality and protection, as I give. I am not chasing any man, that against God’s nature order.  Why would any woman want less, or man.

Sex is a part of what comes from love it’s proven in a will of giving totally one self in daily life work, honor, trust and expending self.  Sex from anywhere else but a life long commitment is just sex, it gets old, insulting and heart breaking for the one who believed it was more.

That’s why you don’t engage in pre-marital sex. Using one another is what animals do be instinct. Humans should be derived from a deep admiration for devotion, tolerances, and who your spouse is faithful diligences.

Attractive muscles, appearance, physically drawn, not for me, a deep rooted faith, a deep rooted understand of love long term.

If this reaches one person that wants a  lasting relationship and they get it and wait to find that love, it was worth it to write.



Two Young To Know In Forty Minutes?

She said,I am no good to any one.


Two young woman meet for the first time on a bridge.

I had just had my second baby, and lost her after being pregnant for over 7 months.   Riding home from my six week checkup alone, I took the back road’s to avoid traffic at 3:30 PM.

My older baby at home was just about 10 months. He had a pediatricians appointment that same day at 5:30PM.

Back then people had miscarriages and life goes on like it wasn’t a loss. I felt it alone.

As I was crossing over a short bridge not travelled by allot of traffic, I noticed a young teenage woman with one leg over the side of the rails.

There were no cell phones back in 1975, and I had passed her, so I stepped on it and went around again. While 3 or 4 minutes is all it took, it felt like 15 minutes.  I tried to reason out what I saw over and over again…. “Maybe she wasn’t going to jump”, “I need help”, “I ve never done this before”… “what will I say”.   I prayed and pulled up and over what seemed like hours but was 40 minutes I prayed between ever word. God help both of us.

As I walked towards her slowly she swore and told me to get away. She made barefoot attempts to climb. I spoke calm, even though I wasn’t.   I told her my name and asked her …her name and she told me .  I asked her if she would sit on the walk with me? She argue…” no I am going to jump, get the hell out of here.”

I thought …I need time…

Ok you sit over there and I ‘ll sit over here. She yell out you are not going to stop me, so get the hell out of here.   What does anyone care, I am the one hurt, so it will be done…I can’t and she hesitated to finish the sentences.

God please help me, I thought…please help us both. I was only 20 yrs old, she around 17 yrs old.

I need time, so I thought she’s either… dammed on doing it or she needs to trust someone really cares.

I said, “I won’t stop you, if you give me sometime, will you sit down. I truly want to know what hurt you so much that your not worth life.”

She stepped off the railing and sat on the pavement, her hair to her waste, a really beautiful teenager.  My heart by then was pounding …ok… Lord what next… and how would I help?

So I asked her where she was before she came to the conclusion to end her life.

She answered a local mental hospital.   She said, “I just left, walked off. They don’t care what happen to me, they want to drug me, while my rapist walks free.”  I told her that was awful, and they will get that bastard.

She began by telling me she was raped by her father, and was pregnant, and he had been raping her and another sibling sinces they were small.

She volunteered I don’t want an abortions, and some how she rationed killing herself was not directly killing her baby. Poor girl was twisted every corner she took was tainted with this horrible reality.

I asked her what will become of your younger sister if your not there for her? She was quiet and them began to cry…a brake through, there someone important to her.

Your sister needs you, she and you have lived the same horrible situation, she is going to need you here to fight for her. I know your pain is tremendous, and your thinking about you, the baby, and your sister…that’s allot,…your wanting to escape… it is normal.

Perhaps medication for now would help. She shifted away from the oncoming traffic and I waved several times for help. Finally a woman stopped from that mental hospital, and she asked if we needed help, right away my new friend got up and threaten again keep away. I asked her to stay back and got my new friend to sit down. She did and as we spoke the woman who stopped heard the conversation, she went to her car drove away and returned with the police.

She did not resist, and I gave her my number. I promised God I would always remember her. I know someday we will meet again in our after life.

This is a true story…when I got to the pediatrician and told him, he said God knew you would help her and in turn God helped you.

Don’t be afraid, to love those struggling, God does help…don’t be afraid..




Artist Homeless And Hooked… Creative blessings?

Sitting in the local square, outside my dog groomers on a day sizzeling hot July 2017,  I noted a young man counting change as he waited with a large group of homeless. They come daily for food, clothing and shelter from the heat.

This young man in his perhaps mid twenty was short in money to get on the bus back to the shelter.

Opening my window the heat and humidity just hits quickly. I heard him asking for 50 cents in a small crowd across the road.

I called to him and he looked embarrassment, fear and pain in his voice.

He started with “I just need 50 cents for the bus …can you help please?”.

While I searched for change… I found a 5 dollar bill and a dollar in change.

I hesitated and then I thought ” if he does wrong with it, he will atone”. It’s not for me to judge anyone. I will atone for my will to “love my neighbor as myself”.

I gave him the money and he got emotional, as I recall his voice and his expression …my heart feels sick.  A young life …younger than my own sons. My grandsons age, I would do anything for my love ones. How does a family give up? You don’t enable, but check in and I never stop trying to let my love one know…I love them. …Drop food, bus pass, bring them to a medical clinic, just visit in short spams. I didn’t take abuse, I hung up, but when the phone rang the voice on thee other end was ready to be peaceful.

I blow my stack, told that love one the truth and hung up. But it cut through allot of selfishness. That person gradually knew what real love was and it was not to be abused or neglected, but appreciated. All the fluffy friend words didn’t stand by him.

Some never get it unless your ready to “man the battleship with steadfast love.”

He was clean cut but his cloths tattered , the day shelter offers shower and a shave.  I asked why, he said…” I was married and it just fell a part. I was lost after she left, I lost my job and home.

I asked was he doing drugs?… he answered “yes.”

I started after a bone surgery, I got hook to Opioid.

I told him about the treatment facility my love one had success with …and get God. I offered to help arrange for him to get in, but he has to want it, it takes allot of emotional work. He said, he would get himself there. I pray for him daily.

He said I lost God…my answer “right cause he never leaves his kids.”

He went to walk away and he said, I want my life back. I said get to God, get to the program and God will give you… your life back big.

He reach in to a nap bag and said, “I am a graphic artist by trade, but I used the last of my ink to do this artwork”. It was signed, “Halla or Hallo” his hand writing told me,…he had most likely attended Catholic School, but private at the least, cursive… He showed me his bus ID# and said, ” it’s all I have to give you for your kindness. He originated in NY. I didn’t want to take it, I wanted to give him the battle God and I won for my loved one. It’s hard to walk away.

This is a sentences so torturous beyond any physical prison. Mental illness and addition go many times hand and hand. The drug medicates the mental pain whether its loss is to large for the mind or racing thoughts and unsettled, no balance or focus. Obessions and addictive tendencies. The list goes forever, but self medicating is another disaster.

The above photo is his art. I think the lines and color speak a mixture of life. He Deserves help, coverage and rehabilitation and medication.

It cost us on the street or in rehabilitation, to the work force. Human life is valuable and we should never ignore the soul.  The drug companies should not be able to capitalizes on the money, it should go to those harmed for treatment and programs to rebuild lives.





Touch Of Life

Life is always bittersweet!

As a beautiful sunset leaves thee earth never to be duplicated. Every skyline, every wave nor bend of the landscape will ever hold the suns decent the same. Colors burst in blends of florescent and shades rebounding against thee earth and sky.

As a new day shall emerge it will be detail yet each moment slips and cannot be saved.
As the beauty may not return tomorrow, hope lives on new beauty. New colors come alive never tinted of the same. So nor will your yesterday be as bitter as it was on a new dawn. The sweet is arising with new lights and shades of joy.