Should I

Telling your medical issues is like sending them a plague that gradually blocked their view.

Telling your family laundry will scare them away. I remember a date that I went on with somebody in the mental health field who did nothing but talk about rape and incest and their family… first date. I felt bad but by the third date I realized there was no positive in this person’s life. I had no effect on bringing light.

Take it from me, love ones do not like to think of you as potential casualty statistic. We sabotage the relationship with negative, we could live to 95 or hundred. You need to lift your spirits. My three sons gave me it straight up and though it hurt, it was so needed.

As a small child my mother a survivor of tuberculosis rheumatic heart disease… doctors told her that she wasn’t going to live to be 50. We were brought up in fear, of upsetting my mother and causing her to die. I think that became a part of me,…. growing up and it went on to be a part of my own makeup. My sons said ,,”you talk too much about medical Mom that’s all you talk about.” take it from me the mother of three men they don’t want you to do that men don’t like to think about anything negative…. they’re not wired for it. When you talk about illness, you may be drawing a very gruesome picture for them that will stay in their mind.

I don’t have to announce my medical issues to anyone. Nor do you. A positive mind, a happy mind, an optimistic mind a fighter is so much more attractive. If you’re worried about God not sending the right one …if you’re looking for a spouse, hoping for one you got to do something about you first. Be the best you.. 🙃🤗

First of all let it be known that there is somebody for everyone. Whether you’re a man or woman who has medical issues or mental health. There is no barrier for God. God has a true plan, but you got to believe he can do it. Sometimes the person in his plans for you could be a best friend. Sometimes in relationships it’s not always easy or perfect and it may not suit everyone,.. so don’t wish for something that you don’t know about just wish for God’s will.

Never be hurt by someone’s decision not to be a part of your life personally.

You don’t want someone in your life trying to be what they’re not because of guilty or feeling sorry for you. There should be transparency on both sides.

Many times, a physical disability a physical illness makes for a very strong personality, a very strong interior motivated person. Whereas psychological struggles, or illnesses make for the need for a strong personality and motivator. many time she’ll find that people that struggle mentally have huge hearts and those are the ones that many times can see past what’s on the outside.

Never allow your illness to be at the wheel, it will take you down the wrong road. You stay empowered, you stay motivated and you push as hard as you can everyday and it will get easier to laugh smile and be productive even in your illness.

Always feel that God has your best interest at heart. And that some people will pass through your life with possibilities and others will stay.

Never nail your feet to any possibility but let God be your true artist, let him draw the most perfect reflection of your life. God has your book of Life.

What I mean is you may pass many in your life as possibilities but they’ll be one that stands out if you give God a chance. That one will be strong in areas that you’re not. And you’ll be strong in areas that persons not strong in. But, together you will be the perfect reflection of what God wills. Your life moves for the greater glory of him and four others and this should be the purpose of all our lives. Having goals for yourself and working towards one step at a time to reach it. We should also be setting happiness goals everyday.

I used to be so afraid to speak up and say what issues exist that the potential may have to look at. I am no longer afraid, because I know that when the right person comes, those issues won’t be a problem. I have fought many battles in health, with the grace of God and the will he gave me, and positive outlook is an accepted grace, it raised m e up many times.

Have confidence in God, believe he can do anything. Believe that he can take your dreams and make them reality. Believe that in this life though we pass through difficult times, sad times, they are not his will. Man and life and choices create casualties, and yes the moment comes for all of us… everyone of us are vulnerable to death we were born to die, but we were born to live first and foremost to praise God everyday.

Never lose perspective of God’s love, he created you in his own image and likeness. He died on the cross so that you would be set free. Never claim negative as your destination.

God will be there to give you the fight you need against negative thinking. Then you know you’re equal …you’re perfect reflective painting that God planned is taking shape.

Always remember God can do anything! He is not limited… he has no limitations and there are those times when we don’t deserve it but yet he delivers the ultimate and it’s so awesome.

My suggestion is put a smile on first for God,… and then give it to others there’s no greater gift any one human being can receive free, then a face that smiles. Greets them even as strangers no one knows another man or  woman inner struggles a loneliness, a loss or tradgety. Wouldn’t it be awesome to get to heaven and have God say you saved a life just by smiling, just by talking to someone that might have been contemplating their life wasn’t worth living because they had nobody they had no human love. Saint Paul said there is no greater purpose then to save a soul because you save your own.

Don’t worry so much about your future, just walk with the Lord he’s holding your hand and he may even pick you up and carry you on his shoulders like a good father would. Fear nothing and don’t nail your feet down to the floor, because God wants to lift you up.

GOD GIVES THE GIFT

You create your passion

Life is a road, a journey

Can you imagine what it’s like 22 years a photography. Finding a passion in your suffering, in moments of despair, in moments of pain. I want to share this story so that anyone is going through a trial whether it be cancer or another disease or going through a loss. Perhaps a divorce, or losing something important to them. There is hope! God gave us each very pacific talents and passions. It wasn’t till I was in my forties that I found that passion.

I was battling several illness at once and inundated with doctor’s appointments. I needed to free my head from all possibilities so I took my Fuji camera and headed to Newport Rhode Island about 40 minutes from home. I took pictures of everything an anyting I played my radio and I sang well I took pictures it was like being in another world free of all the chaos.

As time went on each and every trip to the Oceanside to do photography brought me more and more peace and I crave the moments.

It was like looking through a lens into a whole nother world a world that only God could have constructed and left hidden from me for years till I truly needed it.

I was newly divorced and studying and facing a mastectomy after multi lumpectomies. I accumulated so many pictures and only I would enjoy them and the process of obtaining them.

My belief, we all have a hidden passion perhaps you have not found it and you need to spend time exploring possibilities it may be painting, it may be games, it may be building things, it may be music, perhaps writing, there is something God gave you, that your not aware it’s your passion. You don’t have to be perfect at it, you just have to love doing it you have to find yourself free and enjoying that passion.

How do you find your passion? How do you explore?

What is the one thing you’re good at, is it painting do you enjoy it could you pick up a brush in your worst circumstances and take yourself away from the world. Do you like writing journals do you find yourself writing things down when you’re on the phone do you find yourself writing things down when you’re in deep thought perhaps your passion is writing. No writer is an expert in the beginning it takes time to develop any passion.

You may like to play an instrument and you may not be so good at it right now but you still enjoy that instrument develop it get instructions go somewhere in the world where you can play it as loud as you want enjoy whatever level in life you love.

My passion over the years became sailboats I fell in love with sailboats. Every angle, every twist and turn, every wave from whatever direction it came that sailboat had movements that were deliberate and beautiful the wind the fog the sunsets the sun rises the passing of other vessels the seagulls.

some of the most beautiful pictures I took were in sunsets the glistening of the sun setting against the saltwater and the moving tides the sailboat with itself o and moving into that sunset was breathtaking. But I captured every beautiful photograph in my memory to be replayed over and again for my own entertainment and peace.

One day 18 years into my photography a woman and her daughter we’re in Fort Adams planning her daughter’s wedding reception and they stroll down where I was taking pictures of a ricotta in the sunset and she asked if she could see them I handed her my camera on replay there were over a thousand pictures in my camera and as they looked they marveled and said young lady you need to publish these pictures and sell them.

I never discussed my photography with anyone over the years they just knew in my family and some handful of friends that I disappeared on a sunny day to do photography. I begin to take the thought seriously and started looking into the process and though I had health challenges I decided the go for it.

I began to show my pictures to my friends on the internet and my family. Many was surprised to find that I followed International races and National races for sailboats.

The American cup races 12th May in 2019 and in 2018 the international boats that came in to Newport Harbor in the thick fog I was the only photographer in Fort Adams to take those pictures from the hill beautiful beautiful boats. They will cover the history someday in Newport in Fort Adams as one of the great events.

The Volvo races a spectacular every few years the sailboat races rotate. Rhode Island is the capital of Sailing.

I have watched small children learn and small clusters of small sailboats on Newport Harbor sometimes Justin the sunset a chain of six to eight boats or more of young children learning to sail is it safe for sore eyes. these children put their heart and soul into learning to be good and their teachers as invested.

I began to call myself a WaterSports photographer because in the last few years I’ve picked up surface parasailing surfing, jet ski, and fishing. I’m now even chasing skiers, snowboards ice skating because they’re all on water whether it’s frozen or not.

According to many I have become a good photographer I invest a little bit of time and effort into every photo that I feel is worthy.

Find your passion it could be life or death I can only imagine where I would be emotionally after all the trials I’ve been through. Tourist sections of my pancreas in 7 days that double mastectomy reconstruction of my left lower leg and shin so many other things that I can’t even keep up but I always try to think positive I try not to focus on anything that may be going on that I have no control over.

Today I wait the finalization of my website and I will be alive and encouraging people to look for their passion. Define the one thing in their lives they will fall in love with, that will bring them peace something they do on their own.

Sailingwithesther is real and it now becomes my gift to others to enjoy.

FINE YOUR PASSION , DEVELOP IT ON YOUR OWN AND LET IT BECOME YOUR ESCAPE, AND GIFT TO YOU AND OTHERS.

A Family Recovers Lost Time

Hard to invision what thee interior of a family is like… when you don’t live within their walls. The family dynamics are many times very far and distant in personalities, abilities and social skills.

As each steps out, and acquire life experiences, the change in perceptions, spiritually, in every facet of their life as time goes on expands beyond the dynamic of the once family unit.

God did not create us all alike, nor did HE create us all to do the same thing, nor did he want all of us to act the same. God created us in His image and likeness in the uniqueness for our mission for him. We have a journey that he has chosen for each of us. Each to accomplish for the greater good and Glory of him. The challenge here on Earth amongst all of us is that we realize all of life’s experiences affect who we are and how we react. The Beatitude do help! St.Fransic life, of making peace, every where, even in the difficulties.

Every family has emotional investments in one another even in family’s that seemly don’t get along. The old saying, ” bloods thicker than water” rings true.

Love, loyalty, inherited connections exist, good, bad or indifferent. There is always a code of hush on personal family secrets. Even if it caused life long discords and are concealed from the outside world there is always a leak into thee outside world. Thirst for gossip and defaming in this world is what I refer to as, ” salivating in the wait.”

It’s always amazes me the diverse perception of each family member and this is where resentment can come to settle in a family circle, or divided. The expectations of one another, the comparing, competition of wisdom.

Those who express themselves in gossip among the equally opinionated. Then there are usually those who see no concern of themselves or others. Life is lived by each their own way.

So when you come across the family that you thought were great and you find their history is riddled with a painful past,… look back over the years, and know it must not have been easy.

We are a cause and reaction society, no matter your education, income and or title or how deep your faith. You only can stuff negative experiences into a heart for just so long, and then it begins to come back up in a negative behavior.

So acknowledge something… seen or unseen was the cause and effect. One doesn’t know everything!

(If you pinch me, it hurts.)cause and affect.

Faith is important, but faith is not always present, even in the faithful. At times we let things bigger than life drive, and forget what we knew. God can heal all wounds. God forgave the whore, and offered a stone to the one with no sins. No takers!

The story of the prodigal child returning after many sins, and offering him a new cloak the best of food and jewels. God’s always waiting for us to come home, to seek forgiveness and begin a new life in HIM. How do you stay bitter?

My motto, get back in there, love has to always trump, and never forget that, …though hard at time, will prevail with good.

I believe God gives me strength, the ability to recognize my true choice’s and a conscience to choose HIS will.

There is the challenge, to fight for a family member that is lost, from GOD’S will, and lacks healthy choice’s, or do we let them fall?

You can’t keep someone shelter, but you sure in heck can keep seeding the message, “You are loved”. God does not exile anyone of us in our sin. The love message is always present. When we are ready, it will be heard.

So, as we have now turn the corner with our family, and we can be assured God does forgive, and allow for healing, let yours begin.

If God did not offer forgiveness then I guess, your unforgiven stand would-be justified.

Trust,… know there is a real faulty human in all of us, and we fall, get up and try again. When someone fails you love and love more, and when someone finally reaches for God, your reaching with them. Without God your a fool! The graces HE provides are essential. HE didn’t mess your world up, humans did with bad choices. We all have made those.

It takes all family members to heal the family and every piece relays the strength of every brick.

I know the hearts of everyone of my family members, their good and at times, just like me…. blind by old hurts and angers, and black and white. The world has many colors and families have many dynamics.

Forgive, and don’t react so fast to end your love. We all will need 70x 70 chances! (Bible)

❤️

Make Believe Love

When I write it is about not only my life experiences, but others I encounter its a validation of many things I have long thought but never spoke. Love in this culture is a fake, fraud and little to zero in substance.

So this my friends is a menagerie of people and yes diverse between young and old, male and female. Love touches all walks of life in many forms but the life long commit that started with Adam and Eve, is forgotten. Before we look at what loving was in those times, we look at what and where love is found today. If at all does 2018 love have the sustainable power to whether the storms?

Let’s take a couple’s today the basic majority 15-80 years old. They meet and are attracted to one another, and unfortunately the count is on, not the taking into account that should take place. Will they make it through a date without sleeping together?

Will they perhaps be more comfortable after a few dates, of course you want to be sure?

Sure of what? Do they even know how to be sure. Sure of respect, honor, loyality and a permanent commitment. So do you know the chance of anything permanent that comes with a ring, an engagement then to love, honor, cherish in sickness and health till death and that where that true love ends, the lost of a spouse in death.

So what has brought us here, blame it on the media? Did you instill, protect and stand by that TV and shut it off, pull the plug, parent control? The last 3 generations were raised by TV, and videos, it kept them quiet, out of trouble and you could do other things.

So this is the results of child rearing by media, games and social media.

How can I teach my adult children what Love is? Show them, stand by what you know is missing. Tell them, invite them to interact in a family baseball game, basketball, kickball, One to three Red Light, Hide and Seek, no board games, be out doors away from all technology.

You like boating, camping and hiking, buy cheap cameras for everyone and go out and take pictures.

Once a week for an outing two times a week for in your yard fun. Commit, stick to it and tell me at thee end of a year, things are not better. Church, a cheap breakfast with your family. My sister of six has done this for thirty six years, their close, first with their children, now her adult children and their children. Newport Creamery knows them by name.

Grow a garden, start a fun project the whole family can get in on.

Love doesn’t give up, it gets back in there and sustains the storms. You are worth every bit of commitment, and tolerances, and loyality, respect and a love that you know will last.

I am divorced, alone and going to remain that way until or if ever a man, mans up. I want his love, and care, respect and trust, loyality and protection, as I give. I am not chasing any man, that against God’s natural order. Why would any woman want less, of man.

Sex is a part of what comes from love it’s proven in a will of giving totally one self in daily life work, honor, trust and expending self. Sex from anywhere else but a life long commitment is just sex, it gets old, insulting and heart breaking for the one who believed it was more.

That’s why you don’t engage in pre-marital sex. Using one another is what animals do by instinct. Humans should be derived from a deep admiration for devotion, tolerances, and who your spouse is faithful diligences.

Attractive muscles, appearance, physically drawn, not for me, a deep rooted faith, a deep rooted understand of love long term.

If this reaches one person that wants a lasting relationship and they get it and wait to find that love, …..it was worth it to write.

Sex is not an audition, it belongs in the institution of marriage.

Two Young To Know In Forty Minutes?

She said,I am no good to any one.

Two young woman meet for the first time on a bridge.

I had just had my second baby, and lost her after being pregnant for over 7 months. Riding home from my six week checkup alone, I took the back road’s to avoid traffic at 3:30 PM.

My older baby at home was just about 10 months. He had a pediatricians appointment that same day at 5:30PM.

Back then people had miscarriages and life goes on like it wasn’t a loss. I felt it alone.

As I was crossing over a short bridge not travelled by allot of traffic, I noticed a young teenage woman with one leg over the side of the rails.

There were no cell phones back then, and I had passed her, so I stepped on it and went around again. While 3 or 4 minutes is all it took, it felt like 15 minutes. I tried to reason out what I saw over and over again…. “Maybe she wasn’t going to jump”, “I need help”, “I ve never done this before”… “what will I say”. I prayed and pulled up and over what seemed like hours but was 40 minutes I prayed between ever word. God help both of us.

As I walked towards her slowly she swore and told me to get away. She made barefoot attempts to climb. I spoke calm, even though I wasn’t. I told her my name and asked her …her name and she told me . I asked her if she would sit on the walk with me? She argue…” no I am going to jump, get the hell out of here.”

I thought …I need time…

Ok you sit over there and I ‘ll sit over here. She yell out you are not going to stop me, so get the hell out of here. What does anyone care, I am the one hurt, so it will be done…I can’t and she hesitated to finish the sentences.

God please help me, I thought…please help us both. I was only 19 yrs old, she around 17 yrs old.

I need time, so I thought she’s either… dammed on doing it or she needs to trust someone really cares.

I said, “I won’t stop you, if you give me sometime, will you sit down. I truly want to know what hurt you so much that your not worth life.”

She stepped off the railing and sat on the pavement, her hair to her waste, a really beautiful teenager. My heart by then was pounding …ok… Lord what next… and how would I help?

So I asked her where she was before she came to the conclusion to end her life.

She answered a local mental hospital. She said, “I just left, walked off. They don’t care what happen to me, they want to drug me, while my rapist walks free.” I told her that was awful, and they will get that bastard.

She began by telling me she was raped by her father, and was pregnant, and he had been raping her and another sibling sinces they were small.

She volunteered I don’t want an abortions, and some how she rationed killing herself was not directly killing her baby. Poor girl was twisted every corner she took was tainted with this horrible reality.

I asked her what will become of your younger sister if your not there for her? She was quiet and them began to cry…a brake through, there someone important to her.

Your sister needs you, she and you have lived the same horrible situation, she is going to need you here to fight for her. I know your pain is tremendous, and your thinking about you, the baby, and your sister…that’s allot,…your wanting to escape… it is normal.

Perhaps medication for now would help. She shifted away from the oncoming traffic and I waved several times for help. Finally a woman stopped from that mental hospital, and she asked if we needed help, right away my new friend got up and threaten again keep away. I asked her to stay back and got my new friend to sit down. She did and as we spoke the woman who stopped heard the conversation, she went to her car drove away and returned with the police.

She did not resist, and I gave her my number. I promised God I would always remember her. I know someday we will meet again in our after life.

This is a true story…when I got to the pediatrician and told him, he said God knew you would help her and in turn God helped you.

Don’t be afraid, to love those struggling, God does help…don’t be afraid..

Artist Homeless And Hooked… Creative blessings?

Sitting in the local square, outside my dog groomers on a day sizzeling hot July 2017,  I noted a young man counting change as he waited with a large group of homeless. They come daily for food, clothing and shelter from the heat.

This young man in his perhaps mid twenty was short in money to get on the bus back to the shelter.

Opening my window the heat and humidity just hits quickly. I heard him asking for 50 cents in a small crowd across the road.

I called to him and he looked embarrassment, fear and pain in his voice.

He started with “I just need 50 cents for the bus …can you help please?”.

While I searched for change… I found a 5 dollar bill and a dollar in change.

I hesitated and then I thought ” if he does wrong with it, he will atone”. It’s not for me to judge anyone. I will atone for my will to “love my neighbor as myself”.

I gave him the money and he got emotional, as I recall his voice and his expression …my heart feels sick.  A young life …younger than my own sons. My grandsons age, I would do anything for my love ones. How does a family give up? You don’t enable, but check in and I never stop trying to let my love one know…I love them. …Drop food, bus pass, bring them to a medical clinic, just visit in short spams. I didn’t take abuse, I hung up, but when the phone rang the voice on thee other end was ready to be peaceful.

I blow my stack, told that love one the truth and hung up. But it cut through allot of selfishness. That person gradually knew what real love was and it was not to be abused or neglected, but appreciated. All the fluffy friend words didn’t stand by him.

Some never get it unless your ready to “man the battleship with steadfast love.”

He was clean cut but his cloths tattered , the day shelter offers shower and a shave.  I asked why, he said…” I was married and it just fell a part. I was lost after she left, I lost my job and home.

I asked was he doing drugs?… he answered “yes.”

I started after a bone surgery, I got hook to Opioid.

I told him about the treatment facility my love one had success with …and get God. I offered to help arrange for him to get in, but he has to want it, it takes allot of emotional work. He said, he would get himself there. I pray for him daily.

He said I lost God…my answer “right cause he never leaves his kids.”

He went to walk away and he said, I want my life back. I said get to God, get to the program and God will give you… your life back big.

He reach in to a nap bag and said, “I am a graphic artist by trade, but I used the last of my ink to do this artwork”. It was signed, “Halla or Hallo” his hand writing told me,…he had most likely attended Catholic School, but private at the least, cursive… He showed me his bus ID# and said, ” it’s all I have to give you for your kindness. He originated in NY. I didn’t want to take it, I wanted to give him the battle God and I won for my loved one. It’s hard to walk away.

This is a sentences so torturous beyond any physical prison. Mental illness and addition go many times hand and hand. The drug medicates the mental pain whether its loss is to large for the mind or racing thoughts and unsettled, no balance or focus. Obessions and addictive tendencies. The list goes forever, but self medicating is another disaster.

The above photo is his art. I think the lines and color speak a mixture of life. He Deserves help, coverage and rehabilitation and medication.

It cost us on the street or in rehabilitation, to the work force. Human life is valuable and we should never ignore the soul.  The drug companies should not be able to capitalizes on the money, it should go to those harmed for treatment and programs to rebuild lives.